The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon.
Questions That Motivate Dialog
A great tool used to develop champions is to ask your athlete for their opinion before you tell them your opinion. Questions can be based on an athlete’s perception of their successes or failures.
Dialog producing examples include:
- “What was the cause of the winner or error?”
- “How did that feel when you?”
- “Were you paying attention to the opponent’s?”
- “What was the highest percentage shot selection at that moment?”
- “If you could do it again, what would you do?”
- “What were you tactically trying to achieve?”
- “Are you staying on script?”
On and off the tennis court, winners are great problem solvers so avoid the parental and coaching temptation to solve all their problems for them. By doing so, you’re robbing them of the exact skill sets needed to win tough future matches. In the big picture, listening to them versus talking “at” them is a much more enjoyable approach for the athlete. It sends the message of trust. It motivates them to take ownership of solution-based thinking. With regard to keeping athletes in the game, customized student-based teaching is a fundamental missing link.
Verbal Communication in the Digital World
It’s no secret that modern adolescents are obsessed with social media, tweeting, and texting. Kids are nurtured from the cradle to communicate through screens instead of interpersonal communication. They prefer texting over talking. It’s the world in which they live.
Research in the field of communication found that a third of American teenagers send more than one-hundred texts a day. They want to feel a personal connection, engaged, inspired and understood…they just don’t know-how. The combination of their ineffective speaking skills combined with our weak listening skills is hurting the development process.
Listening “Between” the Words
Exceptional listeners filter through conversations to identify the true meaning behind their athlete’s words. The ability to “listen” between words helps the listener discern if the student seeks constructive criticism or only a sympathetic ear. Attentive listeners recognize anomalies that enable them to identify the beliefs, attitudes, and feelings behind words. This allows them to interpret the athlete’s spoken truth, fiction, optimism, pessimism, expectation, intentions, trust, past mental habits, and belief systems.
“An athlete’s belief system crafts their future. Every syllable they speak engages energy towards them or against them.”
As novice parents and intermediate coaches gain wisdom, they become more in-tune listeners. They discover hidden belief systems behind their athlete’s dialog. Great listeners know there is “subconscious” energy behind words. Pessimistic behaviors are not difficult to spot because all too often, those very same negative thoughts, tones, words, and actions stem from those nurturing the athlete. As the athlete’s thoughts become their words, those words determine their beliefs and play a deciding role in their performance, especially during stressful match conditions.
When effective listening is applied, the athlete’s sequence of thought-speech-action becomes very clear to the “in-tuned” entourage. Please pay attention to the belief systems habitually used by your athletes. An athlete’s affirmations and inner dialog can be categorized as optimistic or pessimistic. It should be painfully obvious that their self-coaching either builds them up or tears them down at crunch time.
Some athletes affirm positive results while others affirm catastrophe. Researchers continue to acknowledge the power thoughts have on one’s actions. Studies show how thoughts, beliefs, and emotions affect human behavior. Following, I have listed a handful of tennis-specific phrases from the mouths of our athletes and you can bet your life these habitual beliefs affect their match performance.
Pessimistic athletes project performance anxieties with statements such as:
- “I’m always worried about failing.”
- “I’m not good enough for that level.”
- “I’m not ready to compete.”
- “I can’t do it…I always blow it.”
- “I’m not jealous but how is Kelly playing #1 and not me?”
- “I have to win tomorrow or my life is over.”
- “I don’t belong here.”
- “I hate this…I hate that…”
Optimistic athletes project self-esteem and confidence with statements such as:
- “I can’t wait to compete tomorrow.”
- “I respect him but I’m going to beat him.”
- “Competing is fun!”
- “I trained properly and I’m confident in my awesome ability.”
- “I’m grateful for the privilege of playing.”
- “I trust my game and problem-solving skills.”
- “I love the competitive tennis lifestyle.”
- “I appreciate all the love and support from my parents and coaches.”
“A man is but the product of his thoughts – what he thinks, he becomes.”
Mahatma Gandhi
Applying Positive Affirmations
If one’s thoughts become one’s reality, what exactly is a positive affirmation? A positive affirmation is a positive declaration or assertion. As optimistic thoughts sink into one’s subconscious mind, they become a self-fulfilling prophecy over-riding old negative beliefs and habits with positive beliefs and rituals. Positive affirmations sound like silly fluff to specific personality profiles but they are proven methods of emotional improvement. When applied religiously, positive affirmations have the ability to rewire the chemistry in your athlete’s brain. Elite athletes believe in their potential.
Assignment
Ask your athletes to customize ten positive affirmations that will help their self-esteem and confidence. Then ask them to read them aloud into their cell phone voice-recorder app. Finally, ask them to listen to their customized recording nightly as they are falling asleep. As they mentally rehearse their optimistic views, new solution based habits are formed and negative beliefs are dissolved.
Effective Listening doesn’t stop with the verbal language. A great deal of information is available from the athlete without them saying a single word. The next chapter addresses the high IQ coach’s secret ability to zero in on gathering critical information via non-verbal communication.
