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The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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When Advice Creates Drama

“I always tell my kid the same thing, and they don’t listen to me!”

The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (NICABM) states that there is a neurobiology of attachment between parents and children. As you intuitively know, the learning environment becomes more challenging when the athlete can’t separate the role of a loving parent and a demanding coach.

The athlete’s perceived lack of a consistent, caring parental relationship often instigates and prolongs dramatic coaching exchanges. The parent-coach dual role can make it more difficult for the athlete to regulate emotions, develop confidence, or build a trusting athlete-coach bond.

Solution:

If your athlete is resisting your parental coaching role, I suggest letting go of the “coaching gig.” Now, this doesn’t mean that you should completely detach. It means adjusting your parental coaching role to keep the love of the sport and the love between you and your athlete alive. So, if you believe your role as your athlete’s primary coach is essential, hire a primary coach to channel your strategies. Now you have a team working together; your athlete will feel free to express their needs and wants without fearing losing their parent’s love and respect.

Here are a few tips:

• Keep Things Fun
• Ask and Listen
• Promote Long Term Goals
• Emulate Leaders
• Respect their Personality Profile
• Guide them to Better Choices
• Avoid Lecturing
• Apply Modeling
• Build Relationships with the Coaches
• Provide Love Regardless of Results

Although coaching your child may be enjoyable and more economical, being your child’s coach may stunt their growth if they challenge your coaching role. It is common for parental coaches to eventually retire from their coaching gig and recommit to being their child’s full-time essential parents.

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Psychosomatic Dramas

Pre-match problems that are invented are called psychosomatic dramas. This condition involves feelings of physical symptoms, usually lacking a clear medical explanation. Athletes with these symptoms may have excessive thoughts, feelings, or concerns about competition, affecting their ability to perform well.

Some athletes are prone to worry. A junior competitor who seems to have excess fear creates psychosomatic problems. By inventing problems, they temporarily get to avoid actual vulnerability. Most athletes who deny inventing their pre-match drama share a common way of thinking: “If I give 100% effort and fail, it’s all on me… it’s my fault. But if I say that I’m injured or sick and then happen to lose, I’m giving myself a built-in excuse. This way, losing isn’t so painful.”

The preventive medicine approach is needed to reduce competitive stress. These tips can assist your athlete in managing their mental health and improving their sanity come game day. I recommend experimenting with coping strategies.

Solution: The preventive medicine approach includes the following:

• Accept your feelings but don’t chase them.
• Prioritize controlling what’s controllable
• Practice relaxation. Deep breathing/meditation
• Going for a run naturally produces stress-relieving hormones
• Ask them to Google: Fear, then discuss it.
• Ask them to Google: Psychosomatic issues, then discuss them.

Junior competitors sometimes hold perfectionism traits. These traits lead to fear of failure because they worry it might define them. In the psychological world, the term is Atelophobia, an actual fear of flaws. Athletes with Atelophobia may develop a fear of competition. Please remind your athlete that in 2017 Novak Djokovic won 53% of his points, Roger Federer won 54.5%, and Rafael Nadal won 55% of his points played. They chase excellence, not perfection.