Tag Archives: parent athlete communication

Tennis From The Parent’s View- Part 3

Posted on December 4, 2020 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential, Preparing for Pressure

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s Amazon #1 New Tennis Book Release, Preparing for Pressure.

 Click Here To Order through Amazon

Is The Parent a Source of External Pressure?Preparing final cover 3D

 

“It’s no secret that a large portion of pressure comes unknowingly from tennis parents.”

The tennis parent is the second most important entity in the athlete’s entourage (The athlete being the most important.)

The parents are the CEO, the manager of the entourage of coaches, and the facilitator of the player’s customized developmental plan. With responsibility comes pressure. This is especially true when the parent is bankrolling the journey. All too often, tennis parents become overbearing yet don’t see themselves as the leading source of frustration.

Communicating with an adolescent competitive athlete isn’t easy. A relaxed demeanor versus a stressed appearance matters deeply. In fact, current studies show that approximately 7% of communication is verbal, while 93% is made up of tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language.

While it’s natural for parents to be on high alert for any possible signs of danger, it’s essential to understand that the athlete needs a calming influence.

 

Parental pressure can be both real and imagined. In the end, it’s the perception of the athlete that matters.


 

NON-Verbal Communication

Posted on March 3, 2020 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential, The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon.

frank

“Communication is less about what is being said and more about how the words are decoded by the listener.”

As coaches and parents communicate with their athletes, the athlete’s personality profile acts as a filter as they decode the information. Some athletes are wired to accept and enjoy the analysis of cold hard facts while others are wired to overlook the facts and instead zone in to the emotional climate of the conversations. Each athlete connects the dots and paints the picture they choose to hear. An individual’s personality profile determines how one communicates. (We will interpret personality profiles in greater detail in coming chapters.)

Is state of the art instruction about the instructor’s proficiency in performing drills, or is it about the instructor’s ability to connect with their student? Communicating above or below the digestion rate of the student is ineffective. While tennis knowledge and drilling efficiency are important, I believe a master teacher connects to the student and monitors the rate in which each student digests information. As we saw with Wendy and her father, the message received within the dialog is much more than the facts.

As I researched how to sharpen my communication skills, I realized that the way in which information is presented influences the outcome. I learned to focus on communicating honestly and with authenticity, but also to consider stressing or de-stressing the learning environment based on the energy in the room.

Successfully communicating the facts is highly dependent on WHAT message is being delivered and HOW the message is being delivered. The following list offers eight techniques I recommend applying to communicate effectively:

  • Intertwine sports science facts with personal, emotional storytelling.
  • Impart humor within a conversational tone to bond the relationship.
  • Avoid a distancing style with an elitist attitude and academic language.
  • Use inclusive pronouns like “We all need to…”
  • Apply cadences, rhythms, and dramatic pauses to accentuate meaning.
  • Vary their volume from a scream to a whisper to deepen the message.
  • Pull listeners in by modifying the pace of delivery from excited and fast to dramatic and slow.
  • Match and mirror the listener to make them more comfortable.

Great communicators presenting in groups or one-on-one have developed their presentation power. Armed with a full toolbox of delivery methods, they trade in intimidating, interrogating and dictating with sharing everyday experiences to engage the audience which is the heart of genuinely connecting.

I Want To Be More Positive But What Do I Say?

Most parents and coaches want the very best for their children and students. However, finding the perfect words of comfort are not always easy, especially after competition. Regardless of the variations in personality profiles, parents and coaches alike need to reinforce the athlete’s efforts with sincere non-judgmental encouraging words. The following is a list of insightful statements athletes need to hear after competition:

  • I love watching you play!
  • I’m so proud of you.
  • I’m impressed by your skills.
  • I’m so grateful to be your parent.
  • You are so brave.
  • It’s so fascinating to watch you solve problems on-court.
  • You are so creative and skillful.
  • I so admire your ability to stay focused on the court.
  • It is so fun for me to watch you compete.
  • I can’t wait to hear what you think about the match.
  • I admire your courage to compete.
  • Your optimism is contagious- I love it when you smile.
  • This is my favorite part of the week.
  • I love being your parent and/or coach.

Research shows that performing in the future as the Alpha competitor stems from a positive belief system.  Your words become their inner dialogue. Emotional aptitude is a learned behavior. Your child’s optimism and growth mindset should be molded daily. (Coach’s Note: Please send the above insightful list to the parents of your athletes.)

All the great coaches I’ve met have a strong need for connecting and belonging. Positive communication is vital for a happy, longstanding career. Exceptional communication builds better relationships, mutual respect, and trust which leads to success. Superior coaching is the art of changing an athlete in a non-dictatorial way.

The student-coach connection improves with effective communication via verbal and nonverbal communication channels. The following chapters will uncover several excellent recommendations for coaches and parents to immerse themselves in the art of listening.

 

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”

Dalai Lama

COMMITMENT

Posted on December 14, 2017 by in Raising Athletic Royalty

The following post is an excerpt from Raising Athletic Royalty NOW available through most online retailers!
Click Here to Order

 Raising Athletic Royalty

COMMITMENT

LESSON: Junior Failures or Parental Failures?

Mrs. Azoula brought her 13-year-old daughter Erin down from Los Angeles for an evaluation. She and her husband shared an interesting opinion regarding sports development. They believed Erin should be doing everything for herself because it was her dream. They would pay for one private lesson a week and the rest was up to Erin. They then became very frustrated when Erin began falling drastically behind the rest of the junior high players.

As our session got underway, we discussed the job description of the parents of athletic royalty. Mrs. Azoula was quick to realize that her daughter’s failures were actually parental failures.

Developing an NCAA D-1 athlete takes the full-time commitment of a primary parent to manage the entourage of coaches, trainers, schedules, equipment, practice partners and logistics. No child becomes top in their field without help. Worldly examples include Tiger Woods, Wayne Gretzky, Maria Sharapova, Michelangelo, Mozart, Michael Jackson, Bruno Mars, Rory McIlroy, Taylor Swift and Andre Agassi. The secret behind most phenoms is a full-time parental figure. High-performance success requires a developmental plan managed by a primary parent and/or a hired expert.

 

“Commit to the fact that practice doesn’t always make perfect, but deliberate
customized practice makes excellence.”

 

Establishing Expectations and Guidelines

Posted on April 26, 2017 by in Parent Player Communication, The Second Edition of The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most on-line retailers!  Click Here to Order

black_ebook_design2

 

ESTABLISHING EXPECTATIONS AND GUIDELINES

 

“Being coachable is when the eagerness to improve overrides the fear of change.”

 

Parents and coaches, plan on communicating your expectations to your athlete and entourage of coaches and trainers to develop an important alliance with the team. Defining the behaviors you expect from your athlete’s during both practice as well as in match play will pave the road for excellence in tennis and in life. This is especially important for the beginner and intermediate levels of the game.

 

My Top Twenty Tennis Coaching and Parental Expectations:

  1. Place effort and improvement over having to win the match, social game or live ball drill.
  2. On the court be grateful, enthusiastic and polite.
  3. Arrive 10 minutes before your scheduled practice session to prepare.
  4. Arrive on court dressed and ready to compete.
  5. Avoid complaining or criticizing others.
  6. Give the coach your best efforts and your undivided attention.
  7. When the coach is talking, hold the balls. Stop, look him or her in the eyes and listen.
  8. No cell phones allowed on court.
  9. Move quickly between drills and during ball pick up. Yes, the student helps pick up balls!
  10. Hustle and give 100% effort.
  11. Avoid negative tones, body language, and facial expressions.
  12. Avoid using profanity.
  13. Admit mistakes and understand the cause of the error.
  14. Come to practice with a pre-set game plan and an eagerness to learn.
  15. Be open to constructive criticism.
  16. 16. Be willing to develop your weaknesses.
  17. Stay fully committed and focused for the entire training session.
  18. Rehearse staying focused and in a positive frame of mind for the entire training session.
  19. Be aware of mistake management and unforced error accountability.
  20. Practice in the manner you are expected to perform.

 

“Choosing to train below their capability breeds mediocrity.”

 

Athletes training without their deliberate, customized developmental plan in mind may be putting in high quantity, low quality work. This stunts their growth and tremendously minimizes any chance at performing at full potential.

 

Establishing Expectations and Guidelines

Posted on March 31, 2017 by in The Second Edition of The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most on-line retailers!  Click Here to Order

black_ebook_design2

“Being coachable is when the eagerness to improve overrides the fear of change.”

 

Parents and coaches, plan on communicating your expectations to your athlete and entourage of coaches and trainers to develop an important alliance with the team. Defining the behaviors you expect from your athletes during both practice and match play will pave the road for excellence in tennis and in life. This is especially important for the beginner and intermediate levels of the game.

Five Tennis Coaching and Parental Expectations:

  1. Place effort and improvement over having to win the match, social game or live ball drill.
  2. On the court be grateful, enthusiastic and polite.
  3. Arrive 10 minutes before your scheduled practice session to prepare.
  4. Arrive on court dressed and ready to compete.
  5. Avoid complaining or criticizing others.

Second Edition Parent Testimonial

Posted on February 26, 2016 by in The Second Edition of The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an actual parent testimonial for the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most on-line retailers!  Click Here to Orderblack_ebook_design2

 

 

 

Frank,

I want to thank you for taking the time to put this book together.  It validates so many things as a tennis parent.  My husband played junior tennis and went on to play college at a division 1 school on a full scholarship.  I also was a college athlete.  We understand what it takes to play at a high level and how crucial it is as parents to be educated and foster what a coach is trying to instill in their students.  We just wish coaches would understand how crucial it is to have positive parents involved on a team.  Our daughter has big dreams, so we have implemented the best blueprint possible to ensure the best chance possible to achieve her goals.  Thank you again for publishing such a great book!!!! Can’t wait to read any future books you publish! 

Thanks Again, Kristen

Contact: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net

Should Parents Be Encouraged to Watch Practice?

Posted on January 28, 2016 by in Parent Player Communication, The Second Edition of The Tennis Parent's Bible

“Frank Giampaolo has created a masterpiece for the competitive junior tennis player’s parents.  The Tennis Parent Bible, in its’ second edition, clearly spells out what tennis parents need to know and understand about how to navigate their tennis playing children through this maze of highly competitive and  performance driven tennis.  Don’t think about this one!  Just read it!”Lane Evans

Lane Evans, USPTA Elite Professional, iTPA Master Tennis Performance Specialist

 

 

The following post is a Q & A excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible Now Available in paperback and ebook with Amazon!!! Click Here to Order

 

QUESTION: Should parents be discouraged or encouraged to watch practice?

Frank: I encourage the parents to be involved in the learning process. There’s so much “GOOD” that comes from positive entourage synergy. However, there are two situations in which I will speak privately with the parents and explain to them that their presence during the practice session may be stunting the growth they seek.

The first situation is if the child has told me that their efforts are constantly being overly criticized by their parents or if the parents are so outcome driven, the athlete feels immense added pressure to perform perfectly or else. Athletes and their parents should seek excellence …not perfection.

“Stress and fear are not optimal learning environments. Maximizing potential comes with the freedom of making mistakes.”

Players need to experiment and try things “their own way.” Junior athletes have often confided in me that when their primary tennis parent is in attendance, they’re later bombarded for hours with a laundry list of additional failures that need to be fixed. The player begins to feel hopeless – believing that they will never be good enough.

The second situation in which a parental discussion is in order involves overly protective, mildly obsessed parents. In today’s world, they are commonly called “Helicopter” parents. The nickname comes from their neurotic hovering on and around the court every session as they attempt to dominate the coach-athlete relationship. (If you suspect that you or your spouse may be a bit of a helicopter parent, the next question is for you.)

Parents, if your child feels additional stress from your presents, it’s in everyone’s best interest to take the time to get educated in the process of raising athletic royalty. If you’re interested, I have a detailed book on the topic actually called: Raising Athletic Royalty: Insights to Inspire for a Lifetime. It’s everything you didn’t even know…you needed to know.

CONTACT: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net

 

Listening

Posted on June 20, 2015 by in Parent Player Communication, The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt from The Tennis Parent’s Bible.  Thanks for visiting, Frank Giampaolo

This post was requested by a reader to be re-posted.  

Listening

(Written by a teenage girl to her father)

Dear Dad,

What I’m about to say is hard for me. So hard I can’t seem to look you in the eyes and say what I want to say. I guess I’m afraid. Maybe it’s best this way. Maybe you’ll listen with your eyes since you haven’t been hearing me. Maybe you just want to see what you want to see. That’s the champion you’ve been forcing me to be.

Dad, are you listening?

I know you want what’s best for me. I know you believe all the messages you’re sending will make me a better player. Dad, communication isn’t just sending messages, it’s also receiving them.

Dad, are you listening?

Look at my face, there is no joy. I’m angry all the time. I still continue to play week after week, tournament after tournament. I’m sad. No I’m miserable. Why can’t you see that? Do you notice any of this? I utter how I hate competing. I protest every single practice and yet you push me to try harder. You demand, “Be tougher Sasha, you have to aim to be perfect!” Well Dad, I’m not perfect. I just want to be normal.

Dad, are you listening?

I’m depressed and confused and feel that this life is your life, not mine! I love you. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me but I don’t think I want to play tennis any more.

Dad, are you listening? Love, Sasha

On the other side of this coin, is whether gently pushing your child through a difficult stage in their career/development is the right thing to do? You bet! There isn’t a single champion who didn’t have a parent or paid authority figure pushing them past their comfort zone or carrying them when they couldn’t go on. After he received the letter, I met with Sasha’s Dad and my advice was this:

Stan ask Sasha this question, “Would it be alright to take a one month sabbatical?” Then, take her rackets away and hide them. Don’t even mention the word tennis to her. If she never again brings up the subject, then she is done. That means you have a normal, healthy, average child. Go on vacations, enjoy weekends and appreciate your family!

If the game begins to pull her back, then she’ll be engaged for all the right reasons. It’s about choices. Giving her some time to see for herself that being an average teen, playing video games, texting nonsense to her friends and hanging out at the same mall every weekend isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. She needs to see for herself that the grass isn’t always greener. She’s a great kid. She’s got talent. Trust me, just let this play out.

NOTE: By the tenth night of Sasha’s sabbatical, she was bored to tears. She came into her parent’s room and asked if they can hit a few balls tomorrow. Sasha went on a tear. She has won two national titles in the just last months.

 

Contact: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net
MaximizingTennisPotential.com
Affiliate 

 

Positive Reinforcement

Posted on May 10, 2015 by in Parent Player Communication, The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt from The Tennis Parent’s Bible.  Thanks for visiting, Frank Giampaolo

Frank Giampaolo

Avoid Outcome Oriented Questions and Negative Remarks

Asking your child “Did you win?” after each practice match or tournament match is the worst thing you could ask. Champions are performance oriented, not outcome oriented. How can we ask them to focus on simple performance goals, if you are focused only on the outcome?

 

Focus on saying 5 positive comments for every negative remark. Kids pick up every negative word, condescending tone of voice, upset facial expressions and defensive body language. Try to replace “Did you win?” with “Did you hit your performance goals today?”

 

Contact: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net
MaximizingTennisPotential.com
Affiliate

 

Positive Athletic Parenting

Posted on April 6, 2015 by in Parent Player Communication, The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt from The Tennis Parent’s Bible.  Thanks for visiting, Frank GiampaoloMaximizing Tennis Potential with Frank Giampaolo

QUESTION:My son says I’m negative. How do I push him nicely?

Frequently, parents get fixated on what our junior “world beater” is doing wrong, what they need to change, need to learn or need to improve! Because we are so focused on our child’s success, we often become preoccupied with only seeing their faults.Focus on putting a positive spin in your approach as you gently guide your child through the “wars” of junior tennis.

Here are three ways you can apply your positive influence:

  1. Say 5 Positive Comments for Every Negative Comment

The fact is many youngsters only hear their parent’s negative comments and ignore positive comments. It is important to acknowledge your child’s efforts to improve.

SPECIAL NOTE: Here’s an eye opening or I should say “ear” opening trick. Place a recorder in your pocket.

Record a few training sessions and self-chart your positive to negative remarks!

  1. Celebrate the Positive: Reinforce what you want to see more!

The following is an example of this rule. Your son’s ball toss is still too high on his serve. Instead of saying “Come on Mike…You are still tossing too high…How many stinking times do I have to tell you!” say “Hey, this is great, your toss is a lot lower. I knew you could make this easy change! Keep working and you will see your consistency really grow!” The positive approach actually gets results as you keep your relationship from getting negative and jaded.

  1. Teach Gratitude: A more positive attitude will lead to more positive behavior.

Assist your child in focusing on the good things about their life. Problems and difficulties will always be present. It is very important for your child to feel grateful about their life opportunities.

FUN FACT: There is a world of difference between “I have to play tennis today” and “I get to play tennis today.” By showing gratitude, both of you will be calmer, happier and more appreciative of each other and others will want to be around you because of your positive attitudes.

To summarize, replace criticisms with a more positive approach. Hard work doesn’t have to be a painful, drudgery. Yes, tennis is hard. Yes, it is a “dog-eat-dog world”, but it doesn’t have to be negative.

 

Contact: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net
MaximizingTennisPotential.com
Affiliate