Tag Archives: mental tennis

Tennis- Conversation with Players

Posted on July 23, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential

The Psychology of Tennis Parenting
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Always & Never

“Always” and “Never” statements are frequently used by parents to emphasize their points of view. While using “you always” and “you never” as opening statements, they convey emotional intent, but they also tell a lie. While parents know the “always and never” phrases aren’t meant to be literal, their youngsters may not see it that way. The exaggerations open a floodgate of negative emotions among young athletes. I recommend exchanging “always and never” for statements easier for your young athlete to digest.

Solution: If you must share your insight, start your review with “This is just an observation… not a condemnation. I want to share what I thought I observed, and you tell me if I’m off base or not. Ok, by you? Or, “Here is something to consider ….”

Avoid using the “always or never” opening assertions to prove your point. In the coaching world, as in life, there are exceptions that shadow every rule, and a defensive athlete will try and find the exception to prove their point. These inaccurate statements typically ruin the true message of what you are conveying. Arguments ensue as your youngster tries to prove you wrong, or worse, they shut down.

Replace the “always and never” statements with questions to open a dialog. Your athlete will then be motivated to apply their own solution-based problem-solving.

Correct Conversations

Parents want to help and should be a part of their athlete’s team. That is, if they are not creating pressure. Do you know if you are unintentionally adding stress? Conversations should be based on the performance needed, not the outcome.

It’s the parental role to create accountable young adults- a common theme throughout this book. Your young athletes are best served by attempting to solve their own problems. We want to nurture them to apply solution-based dialog to increase confidence and resiliency. Please keep in mind that parents and coaches are often “planting seeds.” These mental and emotional skills often need years to develop.

Here are some match day correct conversations for your “Weekend Coaches.”

Solution:

  1. Warm Up Correctly. Come tournament day; your player should be mentally, emotionally, and physically ready for peak performance. The match day starts with a well-planned physical warm-up session. This includes warming up general athleticism and their tool belt of strokes. I also recommend warming up hitting offense, neutral, and defensive situations on the move. After nutrition and pre-hydration needs are met, mental and emotional visualization of preset plays and protocols are warmed up before they step into the club.
  • Gifting Away Matches. A great question: Am I losing, or is the opponent beating me? If your athlete makes things easy for their opponent through unforced errors, they are losing. If their opponent is outplaying them, they’re getting beat, and there’s a big difference. Often winning in junior tennis is error reduction. It’s your athlete’s job never to become the most valuable player for the other team!
  • Today’s Elements. Explain why they should adapt to the elements. Smart players avoid complaining about the court, the sun, the wind, the ball, or other elements they cannot control.

Here is a typical conversation regarding the elements. Your junior is in a clay court tennis event, and it just rained. Discuss how the clay court is going to play very differently. The ball is going to be heavier. They may want to adapt by using the lowest tension racket in their bag. They adjust their game accordingly by simply viewing the conditions as part of the game that day. Ask your athlete before matches to identify possible element issues and to be prepared to plug in the correct solutions.

  • Paying Attention. Ask your mature athletes to pay attention to the opponent’s tendencies by spotting their top patterns – opponent situational awareness. Mentally tough competitors are allowed to be surprised by an opponent’s shot option once or twice, but after a few times, the shot is their tendency and not a “surprise” but a lack of match awareness. For example: If the opponent is killing them with a drop shot to lob pattern, and your athlete doesn’t know to drop shot a drop shot, then how to combat common patterns should be in your athlete’s coach’s future developmental plan. Ask your athlete to spot key serving patterns, returning patterns, rally patterns, and favorite short ball options. Just as it takes years to develop strokes, it takes years to be a mentally tough competitor.
  • Self-Coaching. Discuss how to adjust to mistakes with proactive solution-based dialog. If they complain “out loud” about the problem, ask them to “flip it” and talk about their solution. Be careful about your “weekend coaching.” Athletes who broadcast their issues during play are usually parroting a parent or coach that begins every sentence with “The problem is …” An athlete’s self-coaching is often a mirror of the parent’s and coach’s past dialog.
  • Change. Insanity is defined as doing the same thing but expecting a different result. Discuss how and when to change a losing strategy. Here are two very different changes. Knowing when to activate each one will help win matches. If your athlete is running great patterns, controlling the court but not executing the last shot, I recommend sticking with the strategic plan but applying better margins. If they are playing well but still find themselves on the losing end, it is time for a different strategy- their second contingency game plan. At least two styles of well-rehearsed game plans (Plan A and B) should be available for each match.
  • Letting Go of the Outcome. Ask them to focus on winning the performance battle, and the outcome will take care of itself. This principle focal point is essential for parents as well. Let go of USTA rankings, UTR rating numbers, and tournament seedlings. The consistent chatter about who’s ranked where pulls your athlete into the outcome frame of mind, sabotaging the quiet performance-based goals you seek.

Tennis Cognitive Ease

Posted on June 23, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential

The Psychology of Tennis Parenting
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Frank Giampaolo

Cognitive Ease

As humans, the more we see, feel or repeat something, the more we view it as correct. By repeating anything over and over, it gets easier to accept. Being familiar feels good, even when it isn’t good for maximizing tennis potential at the quickest rate. A teaching myth dispelled decades ago was the saying, “Practice makes perfect.” Now we know that practice doesn’t necessarily make perfect. Practice makes permanent.

For example, Mr. Jeffry books the club’s ball machine weekly. He unknowingly solidifies his biomechanically flawed backhand over and over again. While Mr. Jeffry is getting a cardio workout, his practice is not correcting the defect. It is systematically ingraining the deficient backhand. To him, what he repeats feels like an improvement. As some readers know, repetition, even bad reps, starts to feel comfortable. It’s cognitive ease.

Solution: So, what stunts cognitive ease? It’s tackling anything unknown. This threat causes cognitive (mental) strain. Athletes looking to improve need this uncomfortable strain. Practicing what you’ve not already mastered is essential for growth. As I’ve mentioned, it is exposure to improving the weakness, not avoiding the weakness, that matters.

Training Tennis Anticipation

Posted on June 16, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential

The Psychology of Tennis Parenting
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Training Anticipation

Competitive tennis is a violent game of keep away, not catch. Plan on each match being a 2-hour dog fight and plan on multiple matches daily on tournament days.

Yes, your athlete’s legs and lungs need to be at their peak performance level but preparing your athlete includes more than cardio endurance, speed, and agility. Factor into the equation anticipatory speed. This hidden skill set holds many benefits. Anticipation assists your athlete with their ability to quickly and accurately predict the outcome of actions even before that action occurs.

Roger Federer rarely appears hurried when executing strokes. The high-speed film confirms that he reacts and moves earlier than most competitors. His ability to apply agility and stability with his body and head through the strike zone is legendary. His early detection is essential for delivering and receiving on the run. So, how do top players like Federer do it?

Solution: Professionals acquire knowledge of their opponent’s favorite sequence of shots in particular circumstances. Athletes at the higher level all have preferred options of plays and patterns. They use pre-match video analysis and scouting reports to predict performance. If your athlete is preparing to play in the high-performance arena, I suggest uncovering ways to develop this incredible, secret skill set of predicting possibilities.

When my daughter played her first 14’s finals in the Hard Courts in Georgia, six fathers of her competitors videotaped her performance as a future scouting report. Yes, acquiring knowledge about opponents starts early.

Tennis Rudimentary Anticipation

Posted on June 8, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential

The Psychology of Tennis Parenting
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Rudimentary Anticipation

Anticipatory speed is one of the mental components that we need to teach much earlier. Anticipation is linked to cause and effect. It is based on the understanding that each shot hit in a match has finite responses from the opponent across the net. Experience gives athletes feedback, and the athletes who pay attention mentally log those responses. The mentally tough players log their winning and losing trends into their memory, which they use to anticipate where the ball will likely be in the future.

The more matches your athlete plays, the more they can apply subconscious programming. Because there are only milliseconds between shots in tennis, our athletes need recognition by intuition. There isn’t sufficient time to analyze the situation and set the proper shot selections and motor programs into play. Athletes build memory logs of data and feedback. Once the experience of going through similar events takes place, anticipation is applied.

Solution: Parents and coaches would be wise to start to develop their young athlete’s anticipatory skills at an early age with this rudimentary three-step process. (Examples are assuming both athletes are right-handed)

  • Returning Serves: Be mindful of the opponent’s ball toss. When they toss out in front to the right, the serve is most likely to go to your athlete’s right, which is their forehand. If the opponent tosses back over their head, to their left, it’s most likely going to your athlete’s backhand.
  • Rallies: Pay close attention to the opponent’s strike zone. A waste-level ball is typically hit with an offensive drive. A low, sock-level strike zone is often a slice reply. A head-level strike zone stroke usually falls short.
  • Volleys: Be aware that a high, shoulder-level volley is typically hit with pace and cross-court. An opponent’s low volley is usually a drop volley.
  • Identify Offensive, Neutral and Defensive Situations: Opponents who commit fewer unforced errors play high-percentage tennis. They do this by understanding zonal tennis and attempting to hit the shot the moment demands.

Once these foundational anticipatory clues are established, ask your athlete to log match clues between point routines and changeover rituals.

Run Toward the Fire

Posted on May 29, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential

The Psychology of Tennis Parenting
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Run Toward the Fire

Tennis players that rise to the occasion in those pressure-packed finals have courage and confidence in themselves and their training. These athletes tackle problems head-on and cope with the hardships of the sport in an unstressed fashion. Developing mental and emotional strength is essential for long-term tennis goals. Share with your athlete this analogy.

Ask them to think of themselves as a firefighter. Firefighters walk into the fire versus running away from it. Regarding your athlete’s fears, I recommend asking them to do the same. It’s human nature to avoid scary situations, so you’ll have to show your athlete how to face fears. If your child avoids difficult moments like closing out a set versus a better player, they’ll crumble in those moments unless they are trained to regulate their emotional state. Does this require exposure to the stressor or avoidance?

Solution: Athletes who thrive under pressure replace their mechanical thoughts like how they are hitting their forehand, backhand, serve and volley with focusing on emotional essentials such as managing momentum, maintaining intensity, focusing on the here and now, and retaining their positive mindset.

While solid strokes get the athlete into the events, the additional software skills enable them to hold up another trophy.

Self-Sabotage

Posted on May 24, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential

The Psychology of Tennis Parenting
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Frank Giampaolo

“Run Towards Winning Versus Running Away from Losing.”

Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage is an “inside job.” If your athlete is their own worst enemy in competition, the issue likely lies in the relationship between your athlete’s conscious and subconscious mind. The conscious mind is the analytical, neurotic part of each athlete’s personality. It wants to help so badly that it causes problems. The issues occur because the conscious mind is constantly editing and evaluating every aspect of the performance. It is rarely possible to get into the zone and stay in that flow state if the athlete is editing too much during competition. You see, great competitors apply effortless effort. Meaning they’re putting out effort without the worry.

The subconscious mind is easygoing. It trusts the fact that it has performed these routines thousands of times. It’s the automatic pilot relaxed performer. Gifted athletes choke and panic at the most inopportune times because their conscious mind is overthinking and worrying about the possibility of future failure. This catastrophic way of thinking becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Stressing out about the possibility of future failure causes dopamine and adrenaline to flood the body systems as fear and muscle tension take center stage. Too many of these released hormones hijack an athlete’s brain.

Solution: Remind your athlete that it’s a privilege to be able to play tennis. Worrying about the outcome brings unwanted visitors through the conscious judgmental mind. Ask your athlete to observe their performance and make adjustments without judging. Before competition, preset solutions to possible future problems. Accepting an excellent performance versus a perfect performance is a great start to distressing an athlete. Great performances are born in inner silence.

The Fault Finder

Posted on May 20, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential

The Fault Finder

Sadly, most parents think they are helping after losses as they discuss the athlete’s laundry list of faults. Feeding the monster, or as we call it, the Inner Critic, is the last thing you want to do.

Your job as the parent is to foster the belief in their ability over being the fault finder. As you intuitively know, an external and internal battle rages in competition. Your youngster is not just battling the opponent and trying desperately to please you but also fighting a conflict within their head. If you are counting folks, that’s three wars raging simultaneously inside their underdeveloped brain.

Defeating the inner critic is the conflict inside the conflict. I hear a common statement from parents every weekend: “The opponent didn’t beat them … my kid beat themselves!” This statement implies their inner critic got the best of them once again.

How do we, parents and coaches, convince athletes that they will perform better if they tone down the attack from their own judgmental minds?

Solution: On match days, please remember it’s your job as the parent to avoid adding outcome-oriented, contaminating thoughts. (Your kid already knows you want them to win). Stick to performance-based dialogue with a relaxed demeanor and a chill tone of voice. Solutions to defeating their inner critic require calming, confidence-building dialogue that will help rid their mind of the typical outcome of “What If” worries.

This inner stability happens before your athlete is ready for the higher levels of the sport. Defeating the athlete’s inner critic requires the fault finder to stay silent and the loving parent to appear.

Red Flags

Posted on May 15, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential, The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

The Psychology of Tennis Parenting
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Red Flags

A red flag is a signal that goes off when something’s not quite right. A commonality in sports is when the students’ words often don’t match their actions. Their words say, “I want to be a professional athlete,” and their actions say, “I don’t want to actually work for it.”

If your athlete brings internal drama and is unpleasant and frightening to be around on match days, the family is in for a world of uncommon hurt.

Solution: Here are a dozen red flags we do not see in the top competitors. Be honest as you read the list of common stumbling blocks. Do any sound too familiar?

  1. Inconsistency in effort
  2. Entitlement issues
  3. Inappropriate anger issues
  4. Lazy choices/poor decisions
  5. Avoids solo training
  6. Negative attitude
  7. Faulty nutrition habits
  8. Poor sleep habits
  9. Substandard time management
  10. Lack of gratitude
  11. Second-rate preparation
  12. Chooses mediocrity


An age-old saying provides insight: “There are contenders and pretenders.” Which do you have?

If you have a pretender, it may be in everyone’s best interest to put an end to the weekend drama’s and enjoy a normal life with a normal child.

Teaching Emotional Health

Posted on May 5, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential

The Psychology of Tennis Parenting
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Teaching Emotional Health

Coaches typically teach physical health, but who is teaching emotional health? It’s a given that a physically healthy athlete is needed to pursue high-performance sports. Athleticism and a solid tool belt of strokes are the hardware required to play the game. But the software’s needed actually to win the game.

Mental health is the ability to think, understand self-awareness, opponent awareness, and generally make good decisions in competitive play. The key to the mental game is having the level-headedness to hit the shot the moment demands.

Emotional health is the ability to manage emotions under stress. This involves mastering performance anxieties common to the game.

The most common cause of our athlete’s painful losses is due to emotional self-destruction. It is often easier to blame a loss on poor mechanics and sloppy footwork, but performance anxiety is the most painful cause of a loss to accept.

To the uneducated tennis parent, this means there’s something broken deep inside our child, and it’s likely our fault. I’m here to tell you that they are not broken; they are normal. It just takes digging deeper to find solutions to emotional problems. Here’s a start.

Solutions:

  • Emotional healthy athletes have parents who identify the true causes of their losses. They observe competition and listen to their children. In quiet moments, such as before bed, the real cause of a loss is found in the athlete’s words, facial expressions, and body language.
  • Tennis coaches typically teach the hardware and don’t attend tennis matches. So, it’s the parent’s job to understand the common performance anxieties found in competition. These include fear, nervousness, choking, panicking, loss of focus, and inability to close out leads.
  • Parents should teach athletes that their thoughts and feelings aren’t always reality. Emotional speculations shouldn’t control the athlete; the athlete should control them.
  • Parents want their athletes to perform the way they’d love to perform. We get annoyed when our children don’t mirror our self-image. After all, they should be perfect because they came from our gene pool.


The core of most emotional issues stems from the athlete thinking that their outcome goals matter more than their performance goals. As any good coach will tell you, the ability to control one’s performance under pressure secures the outcome goals we all seek.

Overthinking Mechanics

Posted on April 27, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential

Overthinking Mechanics

We, tennis teachers, are notorious for giving tons of technical advice. We tend to provide too much information to our clients than not enough. I’m guilty of this myself. Parents listen and digest these mechanical tips and “assist” by obsessively reminding their athletes on match days.

Overemphasizing perfect mechanics creates a constant flow of corrections in your athlete’s mind. If the parent’s or coach’s dialog is a continual stream of problems to be fixed, the athlete is most likely to be thinking about all that is broken in a match, and this is a catastrophic mindset. It’s our primary job as parents to build confidence. If your athlete is on high alert for what is broken, they will not be able to find the mindset needed to compete effortlessly in their peak performance zone.

Solution: Teach your athlete that one of the biggest obstacles in matches is overthinking their mechanics. While quickly adjusting technique is fine, the constant over-analyzing stops their positive flow of energy.

A better mindset in matches requires seeking excellence versus perfection.

Nobody’s perfect. Rafa and Serena aren’t perfect so, why should your child be perfect? All of your player’s strokes are not going to be perfect all of the time. Junior athletes are going to make good and bad decisions, to boot! Educate your athlete that it’s not the errors but how they react to them that matters most. After all, your athlete’s thoughts and judgments, good or bad, are self-fulfilling.