The following post is an excerpt from The Tennis Parent’s Bible. Thanks for visiting, Frank Giampaolo
Whose tennis dream is it?
Question: My husband wants it more than my son. Can you talk to him?
A few days after Kathy called me with her concerns, I noticed her husband Steve in the club’s gym riding the life cycle. I said, “Steve, can we talk about Jake’s tennis?”
“Kathy called you, didn’t she?”
“Yes”, I said.
He wiped the sweat off his brow and said. “Can I meet you in the lounge in a few minutes?”
Sure, I said. I put away my tennis gear and Steve was waiting for me in the corner booth with two iced teas.
“She’s upset by the way I push Jake. I know I ride him pretty damn good, but he’s got a real shot.”
“Steve, I agree, but what’s fueling you to push him so hard?”
Steve said, “What do you mean?”
I said, “What’s the spark that lit this tennis flame? Why is it such a life mission for you to see Jake at the top?”
Steve reaches over, shakes down two sweet-n-lows and looks down.
As a coach, I can tell he’s not quite sure how deep he’s willing to dig.
I sit in silence, giving him time and space as he drinks down half his tea. Then he says, “I never had a shot. I was good…real good. Man, I was better than the rich kids who were handed everything. Even back then, the kids that were ranked higher than me had one thing I didn’t…parents who were invested. I wasn’t born into this kind of life style. I was raised in Bloomington, Indiana. It wasn’t exactly the hotbed of the tennis world back in the 70’s. If you didn’t play football or basketball you got beat up. Besides that, my folks couldn’t be bothered. My parents weren’t into sports. In fact, they weren’t much into anything I did.
You see, I loved this sport with a passion. So much that I mowed lawns in the summer and shoveled snow in the winter to buy rackets, strings, and tennis shoes. I paid my own way into any tournament I could get to. At Christmas I would ask for tennis clothes or tennis shoes or even for my folks to take me to an out of town tournament.
Hey, do you remember shoe Goo? Man, I had such big holes in the toes of my tennis shoes that I had to re-apply that stuff nightly just so I wouldn’t tear through all my socks. I would play until my toes bled.
These kids now-a-days have it so easy. See, my folks didn’t care. It was all about them. You know how some people are givers and some are takers? Mine were takers. The only thing I remember them giving me consistently was chores! I remember deciding back when I was a teen that when I have kids I was going to be different. I was going to give them every opportunity that I never got.”
I grabbed my straw, spun the ice, drank a sip and said, “Steve, I’m sorry you didn’t get your shot, I really am. But the fact is most of us didn’t. Maybe that’s what makes guys like you and me better parents and better coaches.” I looked at him and said, “I read once that scars are there to remind us of the past, there not here to destroy the future.”
Steve finished his tea, signaled the waitress for two more and said, “What do you recommend?”
For the next hour or so, Steve and I devised a way for him to share his story with Jake. I thought it was meaningful for Jake to know where is father was coming from. Second, I asked Steve to let Jake share his opinion. Allow him to be the leader. Just listen with an open heart. Third, I explained that Jake’s brain type is ENFP (Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeler and Perceiver). The command and control style of military leadership that Steve grew up with doesn’t work for that type. I asked Steve to let go of some of the control.
SPECIAL NOTE: When Steve was talking so openly about his parents, he didn’t have a lot of positive things to say about their parenting skills, yet he adapted his father’s exact parenting style.
We talked until the club closed about trying more of an inspirational leadership approach versus the drill sergeant approach. Lastly, we agreed that Steve would begin to focus on nurturing Jake’s leadership skills and slowly start to teach himself reliance. Steve agreed that it’s time for Jake to begin to play the game for all the right reasons.
FUN FACT: Two weeks later Kathy called me and said “Thank you so much, I don’t know what you guys talked about but something clicked.” Steve and Jake have a better appreciation for each other. They seem to have the same agenda but now they laugh and joke around much more. She said that Jake is actually scheduling his own practice sets, stringing his own rackets and going to the gym on his own. Steve is like a different person.
Contact: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net
MaximizingTennisPotential.com
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SHOULD MY CHILD ONLY PLAY UP MATCHES? 3/7/2015
The following post is from The Tennis Parent’s Bible. Enjoy, Frank
Tennis skills must be practiced on the practice court and during practice matches. If your child is expected to win every practice match, they will most likely not practice new tennis skills for fear of losing the practice match. Putting too much stress on winning a practice match can be very destructive in the development of a high performance player.
Most junior tennis players and their parents fall into the trap of ONLY seeking “up” matches. Up matches or playing someone better is a terrific way for your child to rehearse their A game plan. It can provide a major confidence boost to hold your own or even take a set from a higher level player. It’s a prominent way to get pushed and stretched to the limit.
Beware of two pitfalls:
The first is that your child will lose most of the time and that isn’t always the best way to motivate some brain types.
The second, be aware that it may be a false victory! A false victory is achieved when the higher level opponent isn’t trying to win, but is using your child as a sparring partner to rehearse his or her B or C game plans, secondary strokes or patterns. I often ask my players to play lesser players and focus on only hitting slice backhands. They are not trying to win at all.
Alexa Glatch is a great Southern California junior player. She is highly ranked on the WTA tours and has played on the U.S. Federation Cup squad. All through her junior career we scheduled sparring matches. She would be absolutely ok with losing most of the practice matches as she rehearsed her weaker proactive patterns or her secondary strokes that she didn’t quite own. The other top 10 nationally ranked juniors wouldn’t dare rehearse their weaker patterns and plays because they were obsessed with having to win on the practice court.
FUN FACT: Each player that beat Alexa on the practice court played division 1 college ball, while Alexa enjoyed life traveling the world on the on the WTA pro tour.
I suggest asking your child to spend an equal amount of time playing weaker players. This will assist in the development of their B and C game plans. We know that players need to master different styles of play in order to be a contender at the national level.
Juniors, quite honestly, won’t even try to develop their B and C game in an up practice match. (They don’t want to lose at a faster rate. Can you blame them?) If they won’t rehearse those skills in an up practice match …and they do not want to play practice sets against weaker opponents…when will the skills be developed and rehearsed?
The interesting question is: Why won’t your child play players they speculate are worse? Usually it is a genuine fear of an ego whipping.
SPECIAL NOTE: Players that won’t play down practice matches can often blame their parent’s fragile ego. Uneducated parents unknowingly sabotage their child’s growth by not allowing them to play sets versus different styles and levels of opponents.
At our workshops, we structure practice sets against different styles of opponents, not just different levels. If your child has issues beating a Moonball/Pusher… guess what we focus on? You guessed it, the tools required to beat a Moonball/Pusher! Also, we gladly assist players in finding a weekly up match as long as they agree to play a down match as well.
Thanks, Frank Giampaolo
Contact: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net
MaiximizingTennisPotential.com
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