Prepare Properly
The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most on-line retailers! Click Here to Order
Prepare Properly
If you want to make your own good luck, look towards your future athletic competitions as opportunities and bring to these opportunities exquisite preparation. When proper preparation and opportunity meet, the athlete will shine. The solution to developing one’s emotional muscle stems from copying one of the twins. I bet you already know which one it is. In case you are still unclear, let’s review a typical match day- starring our friend, Jarrod.
Spectacular Preparation Preceded Spectacular Performance
Jarrod, Evans younger brother by 9 minutes, is a very gifted athlete but a bit unevenly developed. Emotional aptitude is his most unnatural component and so far he’s not interested in improving it. Jarrod would sabotage his tournament performances before they even began. Of course, Jarrod believed that his poor starts weren’t his fault. They were just plain bad luck.
The night before an away event in Indianapolis, I called Jarrod to discuss the incoming storm and the news reports of the morning flood-like conditions. “Jarrod, let’s plan on leaving earlier tomorrow.” He replied “Nah… I want to sleep in…We’re good”. Fast-forward to the next morning. The plan was to meet in the hotel lobby for breakfast at 8:00 am. It is now 8:15 … 8:30 … and still no Jarrod. It turned out he decided to skip breakfast before his day packed full of 6 hours of intense National competition.
So, we began the hour drive to the site. Visibility through the windshield was about 20 yards due to the pelting storm. All we saw for an hour and forty-five minutes were break lights. This, along with him deciding not to put fuel in his gas tank caused unnecessary unspoken anxiety. An hour into the drive Jarrod said, “I’m so hungry.”
Thirty minutes away from the event I gently reminded him to begin his visualization routine. Leaving the “normal” teenage headspace behind and morphing into the character of a warrior. As I began to remind him again about the emotional benefits of pre-game visualization Jarrod talked over me saying, “I’m fine,” as he decided he didn’t need it and reached over from the passenger seat and turned up the rap station on the SUV’s stereo. Memorizing rap lyrics and tweeting friends were more important to him than the mental imagery of ensuring a peak performance in his upcoming match.
Arriving on site late meant that instead of casually enjoying a relaxed 45 minute warm up. Jarrod now had only 15 minutes to rush through his fundamentals. This brought about feelings of being under prepared which is a confidence killer. As the tournament director blew the whistle for the players to gather, I asked him if he remembered to prepare his equipment, drinks, ice, towels, etc. Jarrod said, “Oh, can you get me a water… And find me a towel?”
Preparing properly for battle doesn’t guarantee victories, but choosing to neglect proper preparation sabotages one’s chance of performing at peak potential.
Jarrod’s athleticism didn’t cause another loss. The loss was caused by his lack of emotional aptitude, as seen in his distorted thinking and behavioral patterns in preparing for his event. Needless to say, Jarrod’s game was off from the beginning. He never recovered and went down in flames.
Acknowledge Your Child’s Efforts
Wishing you a Happy Easter Weekend!
The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most on-line retailers! Click Here to Order
MAINTAINING POSITIVE COMMUNICATION
Parents and coaches, your words can both destroy or heal. The belief that you inspire stems from your delivery, your choice of words, tone of voice, facial expressions, and attitude. Be aware of your communication approach.
Acknowledging Your Child’s Efforts
Once a month, throughout the course of your youngster’s tennis career plan on sitting down and writing a letter stating how proud you are of them. Place it on their bed at night.
It’s my bet that most adults could not handle the pressure a serious junior competitor endures day in and day out. Take a few moments to acknowledge how proud you are of their efforts. Thank them for the courage they show as they lay it on the line week after week.
Adversity in Athletics
The following post is an excerpt from Raising Athletic Royalty NOW available through most on-line retailers! Click Here to Order
ADVERSITY
LESSON: The Laundry List
“Great game men,” said Coach Stevens. “You guys are improving every week. We are one heck of a football team! Every one of you gave it your all out there and I’m so proud! Keep up the good work! I’ll see you Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. at Riley Park for practice… READY BREAK!”
Every kid was smiling and laughing walking off the game day field, except for Randy.
Randy knew what was to come. As he slowly headed toward his father’s car his stomach was a churning ball of knots. Randy added a limp to his gait to support the ever present fake injury. He placed his cell phone in hand to begin to text his friend about homework the moment he got into the car. These were just a few of the aversion tactics Randy regularly employed to lessen the barrage of criticism that was sure to come from his father. If he pretended to be injured and was addressing the importance of homework he needed to complete, then his father may go easy on him.
You see Randy’s dad believed that he was actually helping Randy by watching every game and compiling a detailed laundry list of Randy’s failed plays, mistakes and improvement issues. Randy’s dad didn’t even realize that he was destroying his son’s confidence and self-esteem by pointing out his every flaw. No matter how good Randy was, it was not good enough. No matter how long Randy trained, it was not long enough. No matter how many things Randy fixed, his dad would find more flaws.
Mr. Wilson did not have a clue that the only thing he was cultivating was excuses, no effort and zero enjoyment for the sport, not to mention a seriously unhealthy family environment. After all, why in the world would Randy want to play if it only led to a new laundry list of why he’s so slow, uncoordinated and stupid?
Parents, remember that the only comments you should make directly after competition are motivational and positive comments like: “I wish I had the guts to go out there and perform like that.”, “I think it’s so cool watching you out there.”, “You’re getting better and better everything day.”, “Did you have fun out there today?” or “You’re playing great; let me know if I can help you with anything!” Motivating the growth you seek comes from optimism and not from pessimism. Continually reminding your children of their failures is futile. Instead, after each game or practice session, support your child’s efforts with love and praise.
If you or your spouse possess this dreaded parental laundry list of failure disease, begin to replace the list of negative remarks with positive ones.
If you deeply feel that your laundry list is insightful and important to the growth of your child, I suggest asking the coach if you can email the list to him after the game. Then ask him if he can pay special attention to those issues. Chances are that your child will accept the valid feedback if it is presented by the coach instead of the parent. A good coach should have a better way of presenting the issues in an optimistic and positive light.
“The parental role should be one of gratitude and optimism versus stress and pessimism.”
“Recognize that athletic development is often three steps forward & two steps back.”
“Under game day adversity, champions choose to stay on script. This is performing in the manner in which they have been trained.”
“You and your child may not realize it at the time, but adversity motivates improvement.”
“The ability to handle adversity is a learned behavior. Simulate times of controversy in practice and rehearse how your child should handle it.”
More Solutions to Performance Anxieties
The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most on-line retailers! Click Here to Order
Perfectionism
Evan: I’ve learned the hard way that perfectionism is like lugging around a duffle bag full of 100 lb. weights. I thought it would make me stronger but all it does is keep me from flying. What a waste of time and energy!
Jarrod: I’m hyper critical. I should be perfect because everyone always told me how brilliant I am. If I don’t finish #1 every time, I believe I’m a failure. I’ve been told I’m defensive towards criticism, but the ones criticizing me are usually wrong.
Frank’s Tips: Perfectionism is toxic self-abuse. The very best athletes in every sport are only excellent… Not Perfect. Aim for 90% versus 110%. This allows for wiggle room, while still being consistently excellent.
Negative Self-Talk
Evan: I remember you had our whole family play the FLIP IT game. Remember? Every time someone said a negative comment the rest of us would say “flip it!” Man, we told Jarrod to “flip it” like a thousand times!
Jarrod: Oh yeah, but remember? Dad was worse than me! Every sentence out of his mouth started with: “The problem is…” I’m actually only negative when things aren’t perfect.
Frank’s Tip: We listen to ourselves more than any other person. This is due to our inner dialog. Are you constantly lifting yourself up or tearing yourself down? Our inner chatter should sound like we’re talking to someone we love.
Strengthening emotional aptitude requires focusing optimistically on improving any of the above ten performance anxieties by applying the suggested tips. For most athletes, the likely cause of experiencing anxiety is emotionally experiencing failure …in advance.
Performance Anxieties
The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most on-line retailers! Click Here to Order
Fear of Performing in Front of People
Evan: It’s really the fear of not being good enough, wouldn’t you say? The fear of letting friends and family down and giving the naysayers proof that they’re right. It’s more pressure to play to a crowd.
Jarrod: I love playing in front of people. I actually focus better because I want to show them how good I am. My brother is scared of center court… I love it!
Frank’s Tip: Play with fear as the dominant force and fear owns you. You can accept that fear is present but then choose to ignore it. View every spectator as envious of you. You’re on center stage. You’re living their dream. Accept imperfections and enjoy the fact that so many people respect the skills you’ve achieved.
Lack of Confidence
Evan: It’s amazing how much more confidence I have in my game with my new found preparation. I believe in my skills because my skills are tested every day. I’m courageous enough to trust my training and it feels good.
Jarrod: I avoid doing things that I’m not good at. I want to win at everything, so why would I try to do something I’m not good at? If it risks me looking bad…I avoid it, I’m not stupid!
Frank’s Tip: Confidence is built upon accountability. It’s the athlete’s daily, consistent accomplishments that increase their trust in their skills. Utilizing daily journals is a great accountability tool used to monitor daily accomplishments.
More Performance Anxieties
The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most on-line retailers! Click Here to Order
Evan and Jarrod’s take on choking and panicking.
Choking
Evan: To me, choking stems from having these unwanted contaminants in my head. As soon as I start to think about the ramifications of the outcome, I lose focus and get super tight. I know that if I’m in a match and I’m already thinking of where I’m going for lunch, I’m in trouble. Staying in my present, performance script is my solution.
Jarrod: No one ever beats me. I beat myself. Yeah, I’ve choked 100 times but everyone does. I don’t think that worrying about it solves anything. Who wants to go to Starbucks?
Frank’s Tips: Choking is most often caused by over-thinking about the future (outcomes) instead of staying in the performance state of mind. Organizing verbal and physical triggers is a great way to stop choking. Applying basic triggers such as, “Let’s go- pump it up” or doing some kangaroo jumps to loosen up muscle tension may be the difference between winning and losing. In my experience, it is best for athletes of every level to apply a simple command (pre-set protocol) to help them refocus on their performance.
Panicking
Evan: Panicking is the opposite of choking, right? If choking is over thinking, panicking is under thinking. Sometimes I’m so angry I don’t apply my rituals. I just shut down mentally and emotionally and rush. That’s when I need to take way more time, breathe deeply and relax.
Jarrod: My parents say that in competition, I’m like a race car with no breaks. I’m not sure what that means but … I’ll take it as a compliment.
Frank’s Tip: Panicking stems from not trusting your talent and your training. It is seen by spectators as under-thinking and rushing through the performance. Again, solutions come in the form of triggers. Triggers to help stop panicking include. Saying “Relax, slow down and let’s enjoy the moment.” Physically, walk away. Take a time out. Go to the towel. Customization is the key.
Establishing Expectations and Guidelines
The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most on-line retailers! Click Here to Order
“Being coachable is when the eagerness to improve overrides the fear of change.”
Parents and coaches, plan on communicating your expectations to your athlete and entourage of coaches and trainers to develop an important alliance with the team. Defining the behaviors you expect from your athletes during both practice and match play will pave the road for excellence in tennis and in life. This is especially important for the beginner and intermediate levels of the game.
Five Tennis Coaching and Parental Expectations:
- Place effort and improvement over having to win the match, social game or live ball drill.
- On the court be grateful, enthusiastic and polite.
- Arrive 10 minutes before your scheduled practice session to prepare.
- Arrive on court dressed and ready to compete.
- Avoid complaining or criticizing others.
The Evolution of Winners
The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most on-line retailers! Click Here to Order
The Evolution of Winners
“It’s not the strongest that survive nor the most intelligent but the one most responsive to change.”
Charles Darwin
Being responsive to change is emotional aptitude. Winners innovate. The solution to becoming a winner is to be willing to take risks. Through risks comes rewards. Champions see taking calculated risks as necessary in order to achieve greatness. It’s important to note that in competitive sports, there is a difference between controlled aggression and reckless aggression. The same holds true with calculated risk versus reckless risk. In competition, only with risk comes reward. Athletes too afraid to take risks are commonly known as “spectators.” Emotional aptitude is the mindset of taking your best shot at greatness, regardless of possible failure.
Benefits of Taking Calculated Risks:
The comfort of the familiar often takes precedence over the risk of the unknown, both in sports and in life. This safety zone destroys growth. Taking calculated risks push athletes through pre-existing emotional walls and forges new emotional protocols. Without taking calculated risks, athletes cannot maximize potential. Improvement is not a result of random chance. Improvement comes with systematic change. I’ve outlined three critical benefits of taking calculated risks.
Enhances Skill Sets and Promotes Confidence
Developing new techniques and strategies is considered a risk for many athletes. Added skills are the tools in one’s toolbox. With new tools comes a new found sense of confidence.
Improves Problem-Solving Skills
New solutions to long term problems will present themselves once you’re open to new ideas and are willing to try different approaches towards improvement.
Encourages Commitment and Trust
Taking risks encourage growth. With growth comes new pathways towards improvement. New success, in turn, reinforces inner belief and the risks then become the reward.
The benefits of taking calculated risks come from a growth mindset.
Performance Anxiety Solution 4
The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most on-line retailers! Click Here to Order
Popular Performance Anxieties
To illustrate how unique personalities operate differently, I’d like to reintroduce you to the twins: Evan and Jarrod. Let’s again call upon the brothers to offer their take on the following top ten performance anxieties. (Following is Solution Number 4)
4. The Wandering Mind
Evan: I apply the TV channel analogy you taught us. Each state of mind is like a different TV channel. In competition when I’m bored or scared, I choose to remain on my “performance script” TV channel. Controlling my focus allows me to stay on script without drama. I know that choosing to flip to other channels in competition due to under and over arousal complicates matters. So, if I do briefly drift away from my script, I’m trained to quickly return to my performance frame of mind.
Jarrod: Um, like… I don’t see the connection. Yeah, my mind wanders in and out of my performance frame of mind at times… But it wanders because the opponents are no good. I mean I can focus when I have to… I guess.
Frank’s Tip: The first question to ask an athlete with a wandering mind is, “What is pulling them off script? Is it an internal or external stimulus?” Internal distractions include thoughts such a negative outcome or physiological sensation such as a psychosomatic injury brought about by stress. External distractions include the elements, competitors, spectators, etc. While both internal and external stimuli may impede performance, it is essential to identifying the cause of distraction in order to implement the proper solution.
